Few things captivate like an interesting answer. In the hands of a skilled inquirer, personality is revealed, questions powerful tools massaging pieces around the declarative game. Made famous by Bernard Pivot then immortalised by James Lipton, abridged versions of The Proust Questionnaire quizzed celebrities, their responses insights into their souls. Here is my attempt.
The Proust Questionnaire
01. What is your idea of perfect happiness?
Laying on my deathbed, buoyed by the knowledge having lived a meaningful and influential life, I made a positive contribution.
02. What is your greatest fear?
Consigning whatever abilities I have to the personal dustbin of unrealised potential history.
03. What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?
The perfectionist affliction that comes with being an obsessive-compulsive.
04. What is the trait you most deplore in others?
Bigotry. It strips one of their ability to (properly) reason.
05. Which living person do you most admire?
This comes as a tandem: my maternal grandparents. In the pursuit of a bigger, better, and brighter future, my grandparents abdicated their personal hopes and dreams, all to provide improved opportunities for their family. That is true selflessness.
06. What is your greatest extravagance?
Weekend indolence–time exhausts.
07. What is your current state of mind?
Contemplative.
08. What do you consider the most overrated virtue?
Patience. Good things do not come to those who wait.
09. On what occasion do you lie?
It’s more about omission than anything else–when maintaining festive cheer and joy.
10. What do you most dislike about your appearance?
The career-ending visual and physical reminder teasing what could have been.
11. Which living person do you most despise?
There is no pit in hell deep enough for this parasite.
12. What is the quality you most like in a man?
Resilience. Men who demonstrate perseverance provide cause for optimism.
13. What is the quality you most like in a woman?
A woman with a strong sense of self commands attention.
14. Which words or phrases do you most overuse?
Any barrage of curse word combinations.
15. What or who is the greatest love of your life?
I’ll take a cue from my Dad, myself. If I don’t first love myself, how can I share the best version of myself with others?
16. When and where were you happiest?
In whatever juvenile form it took, inhabiting and exploring real and imagined worlds in the family market garden.
17. Which talent would you most like to have?
Fluency in every known language. The ability communicate advances understanding.
18. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
The antipathy infection contaminating sporting accomplishments achieved.
19. What do you consider your greatest achievement?
Successfully navigating the trials and tribulations life thrust upon me.
20. If you were to die and come back as a person or a thing, what would it be?
A higher dimensional being, not bound by space and time.
21. Where would you most like to live?
Exploring the universe on my interstellar spaceship.
22. What is your most treasured possession?
It’s not a possession but a characteristic: self-belief. It may present as arrogant but I trust in myself to deliver.
23. What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?
A person losing all sense of hope they convince themself suicide is their only option.
24. What is your favourite occupation?
This should come as no surprise: writer/storyteller.
25. What is your most marked characteristic?
Self-belief driving resilience.
26. What do you most value in your friends?
Honesty, intelligence, loyalty, and humour. It’s a solid foundation to build a lasting friendship on.
27. Who are your favourite writers?
Frank Herbert. Dune dances with perfection. Recorded interviews articulating his thought-process further heighten my respect for the man’s talent. Walking in step with Herbert is Michel de Montaigne, whose Complete Essays were profound and influential.
28. Who is your hero of fiction?
As a boy, Arnold Schwarzenegger’s Conan the Barbarian, as an adult, I admire plenty but lionise none.
29. Which historical figure do you most identify with?
Unsurprisingly, I’m inclined toward the Alexander the Great, Julius Caesar, Genghis Khan types.
30. Who are your heroes in real life?
For what they sacrificed my grandparents, for what they provided, my parents.
31. What are your favorite names?
Aleksandr and Selene.
32. What is it that you most dislike?
Paedophilia. Anyone willing to sacrifice a child’s innocence on the alter of perversion must be dissolved in a vat of acid.
33. What is your greatest regret?
In the militant pursuit of my goals, I left no room for love.
34. How would you like to die?
Contented.
35. What is your motto?
“Any coward can fight a battle when he’s sure of winning but give me a man who has the pluck to fight when he’s sure of losing.” – George Eliot
Added Bonus – James Lipton’s Inside the Actor’s Studio Proust Questionnaire
01. What is your favourite word?
Try. It’s cliché but better to have tried and failed than to have never tried at all.
02. What is your least favourite word?
Paedophile. I hate everything about what the word entails.
03. What turns you on?
Thought-provoking conversation.
04. What turns you off?
Vacuous individuals.
05. What sound or noise do you love?
Children’s laughter. It enlivens and enriches the world.
06. What sound or noise do you hate?
The polystyrene/styrofoam screech.
07. What is your favourite curse word?
The one I’ve successfully trained autocorrect to predict–cunt.
08. What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?
Butcher. I wish I could quantify my fascination with the profession.
09. What profession would you not like to do?
It’s a vocation better left to those with more patience–coach.
10. If heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the pearly gates?
Welcome. Inside, are all the answers you seek.
*Updated June 26, 2023